Oh God.

This thing has just been sitting here practically empty since September. I’m starting to feel it’s becoming one of those “shit or get off the pot” situations. I’m going to give this a good shot and see where it goes…

Took a trip out to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma for Thanksgiving to see Sgt. and it turned out to be a lot of fun. H went with me and for some asinine reason we decided that driving would be a great idea. Two girls in the same car for seventeen straight hours was definitely an experience. I’ve decided that Missouri is quite possibly the dullest state in the Union. Going to fly next time for sure. Got some great pictures though!

While we were out there H hooked up with Sgt.’s brother, B, and now apparently they’re somewhat of an item. That’s pretty cool in most respects - she’s awesome and he’s a great guy. They’re good for each other. Although, on a more private level, I’m extremely irritated by it. I mean, I’ve been competing with girls like H all my life; she’s smart, gorgeous, has her shit together, she’s independent, and she is genuinely a nice person. We go out to the bar together and guys are falling over themselves to buy her drinks. I get guys buying me drinks because I’m the obstacle they have to get past to get the prize. I mean, the girl has everything. The one thing I’ve always had that was only mine is true love. Sgt. and I are the real deal. H has been bouncing around between guys for months and she’s never been truly happy with them. I don’t get compliments on my looks when I’m with her, but I get satisfaction in knowing that I’ve found what so many other girls are looking for and held on to it. Long-distance relationships suck, but it was mine and mine alone. It was the one thing I didn’t have to share. Now she has that too. And, where I’m more concerned with being strong and not letting on to how upset I get while Sgt.’s gone, she’s more than willing to break down in front of people and soak up the sympathy. I guess it makes me a bad friend to say that, but I can’t help how I feel.

And of course B can schedule to come home every month and see her, whereas Sgt. can only come home when he gets leave time from the Army, which is not often. So I now have the two of them shoved in my face and all I want to do is cry or punch something. Perhaps both. I’m not sure anymore.

All I know is that when B’s gone, H wants a shoulder to cry on and a friend to help her get through it, and I don’t know if I can be that for her. I want to try.